If you’re not doing something that makes you uncomfortable you’re not pushing yourself enough. I think about this often. My art career started a little differently than most people. I was a very successful young web developer and had financial freedom most people could only dream of but I wasn’t happy. This is a common story I’ve heard from people who are onto their second or third careers now. The problem was that I equated security with happiness and fundamentally security doesn’t and will never exist. It is simply the mind grasping onto a memory or a promise of future happiness. One of my favorite author and speakers Alan Watts talks a lot about this concept.
If security is an impossibility and happiness can’t come from money directly where does the motivation and passion for life that drives us come from and how can we support and harness it? When it finally hit a spilling point, I was sitting at my 6-figure job one day in Santa Monica and had had enough. I got up, and walked out the door determined to take my destiny into my own hands. I didn’t understand why at the time, but I drove to one of my favorite beach spots and sat in contemplation for a while. It was during this meditation that I received the phone call that would change my life: it was the tattooer who had taught all the best tattooers in town and he was willing to meet me to talk about an apprenticeship. I started with him that day, and my life was never the same.
Since then I have been homeless, travelled thousands of miles over years, built studios to work in, met countless new friends and now understand the world in an entirely new way. Some of the time since I left my last job to become a tattooer and artist I have felt insecure about my decision. It is that very insecurity that has pushed me to become the artist that I am today. Every painting and tattoo is a challenge to overcome the doubt and questioning I have about whether I am doing a good job and contributing to a better world. I do not believe that I could make art without feeling insecure. So I don’t fight it, and instead I embrace the uncertainty and accept the challenge to do something I have never done.
Now I live in a new city, having picked up and moved my entire life and business to a new place is full of challenges. I love Tempe for a lot of reasons and I feel like my art has the ability to flourish here. But I’m basically back to square one: meeting new clients and making new friends. It is uncomfortable at times but the insecurity of it all makes for some great creative motivation. I share this with you because I know there are a lot of people who want to take the leap into the unknown to follow their dreams. You have nothing to lose. No amount of money or control over the minute details of daily life will every make the insecurity go away so embrace the feeling and let it push you to become the best version of yourself.
